Thanksgiving Yin Yang

Years ago, I wrote a little piece for a local newspaper on the holiday blues. This also became the requested topic of numerous lectures to community groups, many of which were offering support for those suffering the grief over a lost loved one or the emotional shrapnel left after divorce. The gist of my message was that, as we age, the holidays become bittersweet...opportunities for joy and reverence, tempered and tainted by the inevitable changes life usually brings. I urged these men and women to approach the holidays in this very spirit...to cherish memories rather than avoid the pain of loss, while embracing the true meanings underlying our otherwise overly commercialized holidays.

And so, now...this Thanksgiving, I am reflecting on how these sentiments parallel how I...we...approach our daily existence. I wish others...and they wish me...a "happy" Thanksgiving.

"Have a merry Christmas." Well, you know what? I'm not happy today. I'm okay, but I wouldn't say I'm happy. But here's the thing....that's okay! In fact, I don't really want to be happy today.

It's okay if you wish this for me...I know your sentiments to be genuine beneath the obligatory cliche. But I have spent my life learning to see life in a more realistic, satisfying "yin yang" kind of way. Is it possible to feel thankful...and still whine? I like to think so....

It's like being alone. As I've grown older and, particularly, since I've been divorced, I have learned to value my aloneness...to need it, enjoy it, protect it. But, then again, I get lonely sometimes. Sometimes often, sometimes not so often. I speak to my dogs (they speak to me) and I have lengthy conversations with my clients. Otherwise, I am alone in this world. But what has been so very helpful for me, is that I've learned to handle this situation with "creative indifference." I feel lonely...take a step back...and take in all that I have and have had. I feel sad due to the passing of time and the major losses I have endured, but feel so fortunate to have lived life with so many choices, opportunities, and loved ones. Today I am actually choosing to be alone...a decision made with foresight and much consideration. Do I feel lonely? Sure. Am I okay? Absolutely.

This is because, this year, I am aware that one friend is battling cancer...and my good friend Wendy just lost her son. Others...friends and clients...face the challenges of children with major illness, financial hardships, or major depression. I'm going to still whine, if that's okay with you, about my stuff...a few health concerns, too much work...not enough work...or even loneliness. Meanwhile, I know how lucky I am...believe me. This man has it good...he wishes he had more sometimes, but he has it good. It's all a matter of honest, reasonable understanding of living. I sometimes say that, the good thing about dogs is that they're always there...and the bad thing about dogs is that they're always there. They always need something, right? But, in truth, I ALWAYS need them!

So, don't have a happy Thanksgiving. How about, "have a pretty good thanksgiving...one that puts your good fortunes in the context of what you and others don't have, but feeling pretty darn good about it anyway." Okay...so this is a little longer and won't fit on your average greeting card (remember those?). But it works for me. Alone...lonely...and okay. Now I have to go walk my dogs...again...oh my...in the fresh Maine air...in my good health...and come home alone...oh my....to food...PIE...homemade ice cream...and settle into my warm home and think about my friends...those who hurt and those who are happy. Love y'all!