Thursday, December 23, 2010

Spirituality and Christmas

To be honest, I never would have thought that I would ever be writing on the subject of spirituality. For much of my life, this word has been largely synonymous with “religion.” And if you know me or you are somehow familiar with my typical Sunday morning routines of my adult years, you know that I am not a terribly religious man. I could even be described as a “slave to nonconformity,” which is not exactly conducive to attending a weekly service. Consequently, the superficial friendliness, the Windsor-knotted ties and rote adherence to the poorly understood rituals of a church service are, for the most part, usually just too much for me. Even were I to go simply for the music, I find that the day’s selected hymns are usually rather archaic with old English words and no harmony. The organ reminds me of weddings and funerals. It depresses me. (Give me a piano!)


So, when I reflect on my own spirituality, I realize it is not often evoked in a church where guilt is more often the message than true inspiration. Instead, it is something that emanates from a place inside of me. The closest I might come to formal religion is the feeling I get when hearing one of those good ol’ Baptist hymns from my childhood. Their sweet melodies and common sentiments reach me and fill me with emotions I must have inherited from my grandmother, simply by being around her joyful soul. I sing along in harmony, as my mother would do. “Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling.” This I can understand...this I can sing along with.


My spiritual experiences are not limited to Baptist hymns. The clever turn of a truthful lyric or a soaring musical crescendo reaches me just as deeply even though the subject is not god. It is a place in me that goes beyond my humanness. It is something I was born with and don’t even know that it’s there...until I feel it. At that second, I am aware in wordless ways that there is something bigger out there. I am aware that whatever my life gives or withholds from me is inconsequential.


Leaving work one day, I heard a bird singing. I looked up and saw him on a phone wire. Though I couldn’t tell what kind of bird he was, his calls were familiar. He seemed to be having one hell of a time there all by himself. One call after the other. Head up in the air, mouth open, just singing. It occurred to me how uninhibited he was.....as in, how many of us would sit outside near dusk and sing our hearts out. Anyway, while listening to him, I had “a moment.” I can’t describe it other than to say that the work I had just completed and the traffic I would soon be entering were irrelevant and that this lovely bird was having his own moment. He was speaking…singing….the truth.


I believe that all of this suggests that my spirituality is rooted in my aloneness. It is a way of connecting with myself. It might be evoked by something external such as music or nature, but the experience is internal. I believe there is a God, yet if I have to limit my spirituality to worshiping a god, I believe I would lose the depth and essence of that spirituality. If I assign power and responsibility for my spirituality to an external god, I would have to also deal with all the cruelty that happens to animals and humans. I would have to assume that this god would have little concern for our planet or us. I wouldn’t think he’s nice or forgiving. Should there be a “god’s plan”, it is one filled with sadism and thoughtlessness. No, if there were a singular god responsible for how we live and what happens to us, he would have failed to earn my worship.


When I think of God, I think of a place. I think that God is where we came from and where we go when we die. But I don’t think he’s watching out for my dogs, my house or me. I think it’s my job to do that. If I don’t watch out for my dogs, my house and myself, no one will. So I have to rely on myself and, to do that, I have to know myself. I have to be content with that person and enjoy his company. If my dogs are going to be healthy, that’s up to me, not God. God has a universe to oversee, not my simple, humble life.


That being said, I do believe in Jesus. Oh…my understanding is that he was actually born in the spring, not December. And the virgin birth? Maybe…but I have no problem thinking that Joseph and Mary got it on at least once and only then had a problem getting a room with a tv and a hair dryer. I just think Jesus snuck through some crack in the universe and came with a message…one that changed the world. Scriptures written centuries after the fact are probably metaphorical and mythical rather than pure fact. I don't care. God found a way to deliver him to us and, with him, the opportunity to evolve into reasonably good creatures. And so, Jesus gave it his best shot, one that ultimately killed him. I do believe he…as we all will do…left this earth to return to God's house having left a mark that could inspire us all…to sleep in heavenly peace. And so, on this Christmas morning, I worship his birth and treasure the lessons of his life. It's really that simple.


In the mean time, there is another way…one inspired by his birth, life, and death….one for those of us at the middle or peak of the faith curve if we so wish to reconsider. The other way is to be in touch with our insides. To enjoy being in there and to like whom we see. And, while inside, be able to “color outside the lines” a little....to know that all this didn’t happen accidentally. To know that, “softly and tenderly,” Jesus is calling out that we are, by nature, alone within ourselves....and that, with this shared truth, God's truth, we are not alone.


Coloring outside the lines. I know there are limits to respect and that my definition has some conditioned shape. But there is all that space inside and outside my shape. There is a vast universe of “not me” in me. The words I have not written, the pictures I have not drawn and the new pasta dish I have not yet concocted all lie out there. How will I write, draw or cook if it weren’t for all that space? And the inspiration comes from out there. My God comes from out there. The unfiltered greatness. The results arise from being a willingness to grasp the opportunity to understand me and my place in the world.


Spirituality. The fingerprints of God. The collective unconscious. Blind faith that there are more than just the mundane limits of everyday life. And having the courage and focus to go there....and return with something far more important than I am. Return with my place in life. Sit on my wire and sing.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Giving Thanks

Oh my....this is a bit more complicated than first thought to be...

I guess one could....should...begin by expressing thanks to have been born in and to live in this beautiful country of ours. I am fortunate to have seen much of it and it just so happens I reside in one of its safest, quietest, most gorgeous regions. I live near the ocean, near mountains, quaint New England hamlets, and Portland...one of the coolest little cities on a harbor you'll ever visit. Although my foreign travel has been limited, I am sure that there is no place with the breadth of beauty or rich intertwining of cultures, ethnicity, arts and people as the good ol' US.

And possibly the greatest freedom I possess by living in this country is the right to be extremely unhappy about its direction as it limps, crawls and whines into the future. We are, my friends, truly paralyzed by greed, partisan politics, superficiality, special interests and pervasive denial, apathy, and ignorance. The younger generation seems more obsessed with celebrity and self-indulgence than with the conscience and activism of my generation. This greed and paralysis are affecting my life directly and, more importantly, they negatively affect millions of other Americans without a recognizable glimmer of concern or hope that common sense can override the unscrupulous behavior of those with power.

And, is it me or does abuse and neglect of children, the elderly, animals, tradition, God, civility, and the environment seem to be on the increase and largely ignored other than with the empty, temporary rhetoric of those who want our attention while they could be making a difference? Pedophiliac priests get transferred and defended, Michael Vick makes millions being a sports hero, people go without medical attention they need but can't afford, gasoline prices are increasing now without the slightest weak attempt at justification, global warming continues as our cars and houses depend on the greedy oil industry...much of it foreign. Wind power? "Oh no! It might affect my view! See there? Just beyond my Hummer?" Investments are made for quick profits instead of creating industry and jobs...for those who lose their homes...those who need an MRI...those who can't save for college...for those who just wish they could afford a restaurant. But the unctuous, self-important brats on Wall Street suck down their martinis in style....with bonuses paid from our pockets by way of government bailouts. It's just nuts. I am certainly not thankful for being symbolically associated with these people.

No, I'm thankful for living here, for the life of good fortune I've been given and for all the great folks...Americans...I have known and shared my life with. I have viewed the sunset on the Wabash, Key West, Sedona, Grand Canyon, Big Sur, the hills above San Diego, and the Grand Canyon. I attended a Mexican wedding reception in Los Angeles, drank coffee at a sleepy Texas gas station table, drank Hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans, and a salty margarita on a Santa Fe rooftop. It's this country I'm thankful to be a part of....but not it's government or it's ultimate, insidious power structures.

Mostly, I am thankful for much simpler things...

...for my parents...my relatively normal parents...who left me with minimal neuroses, good genes and opportunities to succeed...to struggle..and to succeed again...

...for my brain...which has allowed me to be educated...to have a career that both suits me and is rewarding..and allows me a lifestyle that indulges my otherwise lazy nature...

...for the people who shaped me...influenced me...dear friends now departed...and those special ones who made me smile...big smiles...wide-eyed, red-cheeked grins...and who made my eyes both water and shine...and a few others who made me scream with delight...

...for food...that I am blessed to afford, creative enough to cook well, and healthy enough to enjoy...and we'll throw in booze, coffee, and really, really good Danish here as well...

...for music...the soundtrack of my life...the dancing, the crying, the singing, the playing...

...for my fingers....guitar...writing...touching...

...and for my dogs....Susie, Mike, Baby, Fred, SusieII, Lucas, Saffron, Cory, Danny, Shamus, Nora, Jakey, Fozzie, Maxie...and Rusty. They have entertained me, sustained me...saved me...

...and for you...you know who you are...for touching my heart as only you can...

Time for pie!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Random Thoughts...

Any college kid who drinks Four Loko, the so-called "blackout in a can," is too stupid to be in college...

I have no interest in watching or listening to any entertainer...Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan....who is an idiot....

Nicotine candy...legal....lobbyist money can buy anything and anyone...and pot is illegal...

I would pay more...any day...if I could just buy one television, one toaster, one microwave, one tacky souvenir made in this country...it seems that nothing is made in this country...and we wonder why there are no jobs....

Back to lobbyists...and lawyers...and politicians....so long as we're dependent on the oil, pharmaceutical, healthcare industries...so long as we buy everything from China...we will be a weak, vulnerable, corrupt nation...and not a politician out there has the guts to say so...and mean it...for long...

DISH TV sucks....goes out when it RAINS....back to cable...

I know of no human who has as much integrity, honesty, compassion, originality, playfulness, devotion, loyalty, understanding, patience as my dogs...

Aging is a cruel joke on those who want to live and a blessing to those who don't...

My autobiography title..."Waiting for Dogs to Poop".....

Through all the political campaign ads...all the promises....I believe no one...none...why? Because they're all the same....

Gas prices rising again...and they no longer offer weak excuses....and no one's commenting.... mission accomplished...

Why would any man wear anything other than boxer briefs? It just doesn't make sense...

I don't understand how anyone could not love coffee....is it just me?

I still say I want the right to NOT listen to idiots like Dr. Laura and Imus...just hate selective censorship...

When my feet are happy, I'm happy....

Why is it that when someone has much love to give, finding a recipient is so freaking hard...

Ever notice after a summer storm you hear the quiet sound of crickets? That's what happens when the first number of your age turns from a "5" to a "6"...

What are those lumpy things in tapioca? Always wanted to know...(channeling Andy Rooney here?)

The worst thing about dieting is the loss of booze...God I need a good drink...

I spend 20 hours teaching over a weekend and the only thing I'll remember is sitting in the hotel bar having drinks with friends...

Hey....this house was run down when I moved in...and it takes a lot of time and money to fix it.....right Obama?

Sarah Palin is to American government what Pee Wee Herman is to movies...having her around is interesting, but I don't want her in any starring roles...

Aren't thighs wonderful?

Can't wait for Conan's return...

When it's big news on the morning shows how Palin's trashy daughter did on that dance show, we're all in trouble...

When I die, I want to come back as Uma Thurman's dog....consider the possibilities...






Friday, August 27, 2010

United States of Blame

And so...now there's a family suing Seaworld because their kid witnessed a killer whale...key word "killer"....grab its trainer by her...shall we say ill-conceived?... pony tail and thrash her to death. When the tragedy happened, I was, of course, sad for the young woman and I was also sad for the whale. When a circus elephant goes nuts and tramples someone, usually that elephant is blamed and destroyed. I learned in grade school that elephants are wild animals. Apparently, many people were out sick that day. And so, when a KILLER whale grabs a woman by her dangling hair (which could have looked like a fish...maybe even smelled like one), everyone is surprised and horrified. (Maybe the whale...which we know is pretty damned smart...was saying, "Lady...stop with the goofy stuff...I'm a whale!) Thankfully, the whale was spared his execution (Dead Whale Swimming...coming to a theater near you)...but I still felt sad he was even blamed.

Anyway, some family...some LAWYER...is suing Seaworld because this kid saw the whole thing (and probably filmed it on his little super-expensive cell phone) and, well...just can't sleep. My solution? Feed the kid, the parents and..oh yeah....the lawyer (salt and pepper preferred) to the whale. Let the whales grab them by whatever they have that dangles, and have a big whale party. I'll film it on my "newest gadget that everyone must have."

If, at some point in the future, our country has collapsed and faded like the bloated, self-indulgent Roman Empire did, historians of the future will look back and say that we fell apart underneath the weight of our own narcissism...our own need to BLAME someone for just about everything. Check it out! No one is responsible and it's always someone else's fault! Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Democrats...idiots with coffee-burned crotches blame fast food restaurants...people who choose to stay a hundred freakin' feet from the seawall (they're living in a city that's UNDERWATER!!!! Get back! Okay?) blame the government and...and....storms! Then, we have people sitting with their fried dough watching a killer whale do cute little dances blame...well anyone else...for having to bear the horror of someone elses's death!!! And then there's "rehab"....the modern answer for everything...I'm not really, really a drug-abusing, wife-cheating piece of trash...I'm ILL...and I'll go into rehab and everything will be forgotten. Cheer for me on the 18th green, 'kay?

I've even noticed this phenomenon in my work. The central theme of my treatment is to establish one's responsibility for his/her symptoms and for change. And it's becoming increasingly difficulty to get past the concrete shelter of pervasive narcissism and blame to do so. In working with couples...and parents (don't get me started)...it is always...ALWAYS...the others' faults. So often, kids I see are simply the pimple that is symptomatic of a steady diet of dysfunctional blaming, arguing, yelling and self-indulgence. Wayne Dyer said that victims always operate from a position of weakness...and this is so very true. No individual, no couple, no family stands to move forward until they stop the blaming and start to own. OWN.

But when that weakness is embraced by public sympathy...and the media...and the lawyers...well, we now have a passive, helpless system reinforced by financial gain and rabid attention by a parasitic public.

So...let's see....my dog gets skunked in my back yard. I can blame the skunk. I can find a lawyer to sue the skunk...or the town maybe for not being skunk-proof. Maybe I can find a Republican to blame a Democrat for not leaving the skunk removal to local government. (Hey Sarah! I can see the skunk from my bedroom window!) Or a Democrat to blame a Republican because the skunk isn't on public assistance and is left to fend for himself. The Today show can interview Rusty, Nora and me...maybe even the skunk. We'll sniffle and whimper and cry. 48 hours will do an expose' and maybe the skunks spouse will be suspected as the true culprit.

Listen...I'm sorry this kid had to see such a thing. I wonder how all the other kids who can't afford a lawyer are doing. If they're suffering, they can get help. Help works. But please...please...just because you can't sue a whale, your moby dickhead lawyer will sue Seaworld? Never mind that this family spent its vacation money to SEE a trapped wild animal lusting after a woman with a fish hanging from her head.

I don't blame the skunk. Skunks do what skunks do. I don't blame Rusty. Dogs do what dogs do and he must...he MUST protect his family from wide, black and white cats who have one helluva fart. I blame me. I don't know what I did, but it's my responsibility. It's my house. My yard. My dog. And, for a little while longer, my skunk. And, if I owned a whale, he'd live in the ocean where he belongs.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Algebra and Bicycles

I was getting a solid B in algebra that first semester at the University of Maryland. As other grades were taking a slow but steady decline towards a record-breaking GPA, something here was clicking for me. It must have been snowing in hell. And then, my instructor (first year students at large universities rarely get real profs) became ill...and disappeared. His replacement was no doubt intelligent...maybe brilliant, who knows. But he was Indian. That’s Asian Indian. With an accent. And suddenly, “hypotenuse” became something like “hypoteneooos.” The entire language changed. I sat with a “WHA?” expression on my face the rest of that semester....but he must not have noticed. Maybe in India, my face meant “can I have some garlic nan please?” I got a D. Which was better than zoology. And psychology. And led me to two fabulous years at a community college.


It’s true that, for most of us, all we learn in algebra is virtually worthless beyond that final day in class. Math teachers? God bless ya. I guess you use what you learned in algebra to torture the next generation of students. Someone has to do it. But there were these things call axioms....sort of universal truths in math and, as it seems, in life. Something about the existential nature of these things...which I memorized...stayed with me. Profound certainties...lie A + B = B + A. Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that?

And one....the important one here....is that....get this....if A = B, then B = A. Wow. Think about it. “That’s soooo true!”


So rather than struggle with a smooth segue here....cuz there is none...I’ll just get to the point.


I hear on television....in a smug little holier-than-thou male voice, “Bicycles have the same rights as automobiles.” Hmmm. Really? Let me think about that for a minute....

and here’s where algebra comes in most helpful....that means that automobiles have the same rights as bicycles. Right? Cool.


Let me ponder the possibilities....that means I can drive on sidewalks and almost run down some guy with a poodle on a leash! It means I can weave through traffic...between cars...on sidewalk, off sidewalk....and ignore traffic lights! I can drive at any speed I want...sometimes in a PACK of cars and make others wait for me and be impressed with my cool helmet. I can park anywhere, chaining my car to anything, anywhere. Oh the fun I’ll have! Wait...it gets better....I can even dress up in spandex (“a privilege not a right”) that looks like a nascar vehicle, pop a helmet on my head...go get a baby somewhere, put him in a lawn spreader with a little yellow flag, tie the spreader to my back bumper, and race through traffic! “I’m cool and have the right to drag my kid behind me down streets, through lights...everywhere!”


Pea-brained, hot-shit bicyclists....no, you don’t have the same rights as automobiles. Algebra proves it. See? Move over...now.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Sacred Institution of Marriage

So much passion. So much anger. Demonstrations and counter-demonstrations. Do "we" allow gay couples to marry? Is it morally the right thing to do? Is it just dead wrong? Can we survive such a thing? Is this the beginning of the end? Oh, the horror....

Ah, but I do enjoy irony.

Here's the thing. Marriage is a legal contract. Period. When two people get divorced, they go to court....not church...unless you consider the Catholic church that discourages divorce and issues sanctions against its members if they dare to do so. Of course, there's the annulment... suggesting that the marriage never happened. Just like that cool Men In Black gadget....poof! Gone. Otherwise, we're talking about a legal permission...a license. To hunt. To fish. To practice psychotherapy. To have a dog. To marry.

You see, if morality had anything to do with it...if a union "in the eyes of God" had anything to do with it, then there wouldn't be a 50+ percent divorce rate amongst us straights, would there? When my ex and I were preparing to be married, we had to meet with the minister several times to assure we knew what we were doing. Well, we passed the test...and there was the music, the guests, the rice, the salad bowls, the cake...and then later...POOF! You know the rest. Did we go back to the minister to get a divorce? No. We went to court. The vows...the promise....the "power invested in me"...meant nothing. It was the house, the furniture, the money and even the dog visitation that mattered. A judge decided for us, not the minister who maybe...just maybe...shoulda said no.

As someone joked, "let gay people marry and be miserable like the rest of us." Well, isn't it the truth. Morality has nothing to do with it really. If it did, there would be no abuse, no affairs, no deceit or control, no tearing up children's lives....or divorce. Marriage is a legal contract to share lives, moneys, toys and pets with the better than average chance it will all end. The romantic and spiritual aspects are in the eyes of the beholders...or holders as it were, not the law. Pretty vows...DJ's...cousin Fred fainting during the ceremony. It's all good. But it's not legal. It's choice. It's optional. The license? Not optional.

The hitch lies in the legal contract. That's what we're truly arguing about and voting on. Two people....any two people...say that they want to share responsibilities, debts, mortgages, homes, health insurance, dirty bathrooms, pints of ice cream, and children. If they crash and burn...like many of the rest of us...so be it. Party on. They can pay lawyers and mediators too. They can argue over who has the kids on Christmas too. After all....they can hunt deer, catch fish, and own a dog. Right?

Regardless of one's opinion, it should be clear that, if marriage were solely a religious bond, then there might be an understandable if not flawed argument given the varied belief systems and values making up this whacky, confused country of ours. In other words, we would expect social change to sometimes progress faster than our grip on traditions and institutionalized thought.

But, in the mean time, can we please stop it with the referenda and the votes and the repeals? Let the individual churches decide who they will marry. Some will exercise their right to enjoy their literal interpretations and smug rejections of anyone wearing the wrong spiritual clothes. (I feel so, so bad for all those poor folks burning in hell for eating meat on Fridays. If they'd just waited....) Then we can allow gay folks to feel accepted and embraced by religious organizations that will open their doors and arms to any two loving people. There will be plenty....plenty that also have "the power invested in them"...plenty that have God hanging around just like the others! Issue the damn licenses, okay? And let people who want to get married get married...for Christ's sake. From what I understand about the man (not the church), he would approve.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Jimmy Dean

A few weeks ago, Jimmy Dean died. I would guess few noticed. When one thinks of Jimmy Dean, one probably thinks about, well....sausage. Jimmy Dean sausage will likely go on and many pigs will continue to die for the pleasure of y'all carnivores. And yet...the older generation who lived through the era of variety shows might remember that Jimmy had his own...on network television in fact. One thinks "Big Bad John," a novelty song that somehow became a major hit. Jimmy was famous for a while. But mostly he is just linked...ahem...to sausage.

But long ago and far away, in Washington D.C. where I grew up, Jimmy Dean was a celeb in the nation's capital long before his big ears gained national attention. He had a regular Saturday evening show from the old Uline Arena...think the Grand Ol' Opry...with Gunther beer commercials...I think in Northeast section of the city. He also had a morning show, five says a week, seven to nine a.m..

I was not your typical seven year-old. I had my first guitar...lucky...it was a little Martin acoustic. While my peers might have admired Jimmy on the Mickey Mouse Club or Pick Temple and his pony, Piccolo, my heroes were finger-pickers....Elvis's guitarist, Scotty Moore...Ricky Nelson's guitarist James Burton...or Roy Clark...a terrific musician in his day. I remember my mother waking me up early for the two straight weeks Chet Atkins was a guest on Jimmy's morning show. Sleepy-eyed and probably munching a bowl of Sugar Pops, I studied Chet. I even remember Jimmy's band....Buck Ryan on fiddle, Smitty Erwin on banjo and Billy Grammer on guitar (the mind is amazing organ)....Jimmy sporting a huge accordion of all things...his huge ears sticking out from behind. Roy Clark was a regular as well. I would then go and sit with my Martin and practice the finger-picking style that was so fascinating and advanced for my little stubby fingers. Chet, Scotty, James, Roy and me.

Not a terribly interesting story...just a memory. It's just that I learned to play guitar by ear...or maybe by eyes. My fingers continued to pick along side my brother...my friends Jean and Steve...and they even helped pay my expenses during grad school. It all started with Jimmy and Chet and Roy. I know this. Few would care, but I know this. Bye, Jimmy. Thanks.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

When I Am King Of The WORLD Whine Of The Day

People...lazy slobs...who leave their grocery carts in the middle of the parking lot
instead of taking them to the, um...cart place...will be PUNISHED! Punished by
having to corral these carts for low pay for the rest of their miserable lives!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Kernals of Truth...

The great mysteries of life. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Is there life after death? When will Willard Scott retire?

The answers will come. In time, Rick...in time. So, while I'm asking...and waiting...I might as well also ask a most burning question...why do dogs' feet smell like popcorn? Oh, some will say cheese....cheese crackers...cheese curls. I stand by my conviction that it's popcorn. A little butter maybe. But only real butter. Rusty's here...just ask him...or visit his handsome little feet. He'll let you. He'll like it.

If you think about it, dogs' feet live interesting lives. The fortunate ones do anyway. They run through forests and all the ground cover and exotic animals have to offer. They run across lush lawns and baseball fields and depths of snow and puddles of rain. These feet touch other dogs and are licked and pampered during quiet, quality times. I haven't checked...nor will I most likely...but I would guess the dogs of Bowdoin fields have similar aromas. It's all a part of the magical world they share each day. If you're there, you know. These dogs are friends. They carry out an improvisational ballet, each having a role, a voice. Some are principal dancers while others provide the background and chorus. The story line is often the same, but the choreography changes each day. Mouths....teeth...tails...slobber... and, yes, feet. Smiles, growls, grunts and wags. Exhausted, they will inevitably visit the privacy of the forest for necessary business...or gather at the water hole for a drink and perhaps a silent toast to the day's events.

The people...the dog parents as it were...vary in their approach to this semi-scheduled, semi-spontaneous performance. Some stand around and chat....air conditioners, weather, and such. Nice folks. Others engage with the dogs with tennis balls, frisbees, treats, and even wrestling in the thick Bowdoin grass. Still others...the "visitors"...will more often than not walk hurriedly by, curiously restraining their dogs who clearly want to investigate, perhaps to join, the show...the frolicking ensemble of dog buddies. As I've rarely been able to ignore the opportunity for a "dog fix"...anytime, anyplace...I can only wonder what preoccupation requires these "invaders" (Rusty's word, not mine) to deny their pets a chance to dance and play with the others. The rest of us are there to enjoy the company of other dog-loving-humans...but more likely to indulge the kids at the playground just as they deserve. There is no right or wrong here (well, Nora disagrees), but certainly the makings of a case study for an otherwise bored Bowdoin sociology student.

The dogs return home. A wet tummy from the puddle, a wet spot on the head from someone's mouth (you know who you are, Bailey), the satisfying drink of water to quiet excitement and thirst and, of course....popcorn feet. Popcorn feet. Although I do digress...I'd really like to know.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

MEL-icious Behavior

Okay, so....what do we know about this guy Mel Gibson? What has this man revealed about himself...that we didn't already know? As we filter through our emotional reactions...shock ...horror...anger...laughter...we will ultimately make conclusions about the him. It's what we do. And as every celebrity-news-loathing bone in my body protests, I just can't help but think about this thing. Out loud of course. Well, sort of...

A pig? Yes. Arrogant? Yep. Volatile? Oh yeah. And yet, one more thing stands out from this most recent celebrity fuss. The man is, to borrow a line from that fine movie O Brother, Where Art Thou, as dumb as a bag of hammers. Intelligent? Perhaps. After all, he produces movies with languages that no one actually speaks! And they're very long...always an indication that a this is one serious movie maker. That must take some thought, huh? But the man is stupid, plain and simple. Unless he has never owned a freakin' computer or watched even one minute of television, he knows that whatever he does, WE WILL KNOW! Gulf coast? Well, blah, blah. Orphans in Haiti? Becoming boring news I suppose. But! Miley Cyrus has a hickey! Justin Bieber has no forehead! Only hair! We know...we must know everything about celebrities. Just ask Regis!

Oh, but he's handsome. Even I know that. He can find a starlet, marry her, pop out a baby and he's happyhappy and, most importantly, he's in the news again. Then the plot thickens. He's not getting his way....or not often enough. She's not listening...obviously. She just doesn't understand that he IS Mel Gibson, after all. He picks up the phone. He punches numbers in a seething rage. And, as those who have never gone to school will say (more on that later), "waalaah!" He's dumb again.

Oh, I know. He's not so innocent as just plain dumb. He's a classic narcissist. I've met many of these guys (and occasionally gals) right there on my comfortable leather sofa. (Nora, usually also on that couch, can sense a narcissist and usually chooses to lie elsewhere. It's what a good, intuitive therapy dog does.) They've come to my office..not out of a true desire to own their miserable behaviors, but to put on a good show for some controlled significant other... and to seek sympathy for being misunderstood...for being right but not receiving cooperation... for just about anything besides saying "I'm a controlling idiot and I need to change!"

But I was thinking on my morning dog walk about this and I think that ol' Mel might be doing a public service of sorts. Maybe his phone call will be enlightening to those who most need enlightening....the victims of narcissism and domestic violence. Unfortunately, to many women, this kind of behavior...yelling, swearing, threatening, name-calling, even hitting...is tolerated. High school boys bully their girlfriends. Financially dependent mothers must stay with their
a-holes, feeling weakened and frightened to leave. Maybe...just maybe...Mel's so utterly offensive words and actions...and enough public outrage...will empower some of these victims to leave. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?

In a TV age where commercials and sitcoms characterize men as idiots...for laughs...I resent Mel for validating the stereotype. And maybe thank him for the same, sad impressions. Now that you have, Mel....just go away. Okay?

Monday, July 12, 2010

AC

More and more often these days, as heat and humidity gradually saturate the otherwise crisp Maine landscape, I hear someone say, "Yep...put my AC in this weekend...gotta sleep....thinkin' of putting one in the kitchen area too...yep...the little lady....she sweats quite a bit....nobody likes that." Or something along those lines. Actually, it doesn't take much to make us sweat way up here where humidity is usually white, fluffy, and measured in inches from late November to mid-April. Come July and August, come mosquitos, come sweat...all the talk at the dog park (and life can be pretty much measured and accurately assessed by talk at the dog park....more on that later) is about when this God awful heatwave....you're talking mid 80's by the way...will finally end...and about "throwin' that there AC into my bedroom winda!"

My dogs? They do what they can. They pant. They shed. They wallow in puddles. They have their tongues and maybe the pads of their little pop-corn smelling feet (more on that later) to keep cool. Me? I walk slowly. I think slowly. I drink Mike's Hard Limeade. Just keep still, I say...the fan will soon oscillate my direction. Here it comes. No wait...okay now. Here it comes....now! At my office, where as my clients relate stories of true suffering, I cowardly, mentally plot the removal of my socks...I fantasize about Italian ice... I sweat in silence. Ah...a sentence perhaps never before written....sweat in silence. Suffering is relative I think. And while I have, in fact, suffered many relatives...also in silence...this is my misery. Today anyway.

So last night I did it. I squeezed my big self up my uneven, dark attic steps, lifted that heavy little machine carefully (why does one side weigh so much more than the other? Wish I knew stuff like that) and thumped down those narrow steps and around into my bedroom. Huff. Puff. Down. Next step, actually lodging the sucker in my window...my "winda"...in such a way that the cool air stays inside and NOT A SINGLE F@#KING WAFT OF HOT AIR finds its sneaky-ass way inside. Sure...I stepped on the plug, cut my foot and hobbled...swearing...all the way to the window. I think I actually muttered out loud, I WIN!" Not sure what, but it felt like that. The unit faces the length and breadth of my bedroom and I wonder if it felt confident...felt the challenge...to ultimately feel the gratification of making dogs happy and me sound asleep.

Anyway, I was able to leave my cozy nocturnal campsite on the sunporch and spend a night in a real bed. Rusty, no longer breathing hard, resting next to my leg....snoring. Nora, no longer panting hard, sleeping next to me with her familiar kangaroo-on-crack kicks occasionally interrupting my sound sleep. I love them.

I'll have something to tell 'em at the dog park.