Turn and face the strange….
Yeah, well…okay. What the hell else am I supposed to do?
We either make changes or changes happen to us. Change is good. No one likes change. Blah. Blah.
Hell, I’ve made plenty of changes. Three geographical relocations. And that was without being wanted by the police. Except my father. He was police and probably wanted me to stay home. Didn’t say so, but I’m sure he did.
I gave up meat...except for those yucky marrow bones I gingerly hand my dogs. I moved on from oak. But what do you do with all that oak furniture? I went from purebred Golden Retrievers (albeit rescue ones) to mutts…best breed alive. Smart phones, boxer briefs, PC to Mac....practical vehicles...and I survived!
These were all changes by choice. I like those. No more cheap wines? No problem. Back to cheap ones? No problem. Hey, baby….I live on the edge!
Those that happen TO me, I’m not so wild about. So, my miserable office slum lord decides he is going to LIVE in my office building. Live! He decides to make an apartment for himself? Hmmm. And, to do so, he needs to conSUME my office suite. At first, it was just that I’d have to deal with him taking a shower behind my waiting room wall. Eeeuuuu. Then, well…why not just conSUME it all!
So, I moved. All those books. All those dog toys and beds. All that oak! I moved. I hate it. Despite the erratic heat, despite the leaking roof, despite the blinking lights in the bathroom, I love…loveD my office. I loved my stationery now made obsolete. I loved the sky and busy Maine Street outside my windows. I hate him. I hate change.
Yeah, yeah…I know. I don’t have a deadly disease. I have my dogs. I have the Patriots. I have risotto. I am blessed, I know that. I don’t have foot rubs right now, but there’s time. But you say I’m whining? Well, what the f@*# do you know, you stupid mother f…..oh, sorry. Wait….breathe.
Ooooohhhhmmmmm. Wwwwaaattt.
I feel better now.
I AM blessed. I wake up each morning with my heartfelt thanks to coffee beans. I have a good brain, a practice, a “cozy” new office with fewer stairs for Nora to climb, I have a back brace to wear when my back has those damn, mother fu…oops, sorry again. Ooooooohhhhmmm. Peeeaaaccce. I heart my back spasms. I heart my house repair and vet bills. I am at ONE with winter snow and bitter cold wind.
I have overcome change anxiety. When I want to make a major change, I tend to back up, survey the situation, and keep moving forward. Oh, there were relationships when I shouldn’t have changed and those with which I should have. I do make mistakes. But I believe that making the wrong decision is sometimes better than not making one.
.
But let’s face it….whether or not it is stated as such, whether or not it is conscious, whether or not it is labeled as the most significant challenge each person will face, change anxiety IS what psychotherapy is really all about.
Something about life stinks, something doesn’t feel right or good anymore. Something keeps recurring, seemingly due to just bad luck. Something never healed. Some change happened TO someone and that someone doesn’t like it, doesn’t know what the hell to do. Our clients, more often than not, know what they need to do, what they need to change, but…they…just…can’t. The fear and dread of mistakes…or yet another mistake…just creates stagnation, helplessness, and more fear.
But psychotherapy is much like physical therapy…it’s going to involve movements of old, sore muscles and a certain amount of pain. And those movements beget more movement. And those movements are in a direction of new ways, new habits, new expectations. An old vaudeville joke goes something like, “This guy tells his doctor it hurts when I do that. The doctor says, (yep, you’re right) ‘Don’t do that.’” Okay, doc, I'll try not to....
My daily routines are much different now in subtle but significant ways. My budget now revolves around those house and vet bills. My office IS cozy…it’s closer…and I could walk to work if my family of three could….walk. My family of three now has five bad legs and a sore back. There’s lots of limping, crouching, lifting, and carrying these days. These things take time and patience formerly devoted to other things…like rearranging my refrigerator magnets, watching my Rocky and Bullwinkle dvd’s, skipping through the woods on a sub-zero day.
Isn’t this all grand? I LOVE change….all this stupid, damn, mother fu…
Oh…sorry….oooooooooohhhhhhmmmmm…….
