It is time to restore freedom in this country. Total freedom. We must liberate Americans from the many unnecessary laws that restrict our ability to act on any impulse or need to compensate for a less than impressive personal endowment. No more nitpicking over red tape, fine print, or hairs across ACLU asses. Federal and state governments would also be freed to do what they do best…take our money, give it to rich people, pad their own bank accounts, and start wars to distract us from their total incompetence. We also wouldn’t need all the policemen, firemen, hospitals, or lawyers who get in our way. They're only valued and helpful when it's YOUR problem anyway.
We can start by legalizing arson. Imagine the fun. I can see men and children wearing really cute flame-themed hats, pajamas, and underwear. Walmart can start selling high end gasoline containers and incendiary devices. After all…fires don't kill people, people kill people.
Want to buy a bazooka? Flame thrower? Missile launcher? No problem. On sale at Best Buy. Don't like your neighbor's holiday decorations? Just take 'em out. Bazookas don't kill people, people kill people.
Next, how about no more drivers’ licenses. Toddlers, adolescents, blind people, drunks can all drive cars….some armed with artillery and weaponry…no more safety inspections of course…wherever, however they want. And bigger pickup trucks too. It's that endowment thing. After all…cars and trucks don’t kill people, people kill people.
Bombs…I can see them sitting at the grocery store right near the light bulbs and batteries. I could remove that ugly, unwanted shed out back. I could celebrate holidays with really big boom sounds. Then we can arm those drones that those un-evolved adults want to play with. Bombs don’t kill people, people kill people.
And licenses…who needs licenses. No more medical licenses required to perform surgeries, physical exams, writing prescriptions. When little Betty gets a doctor’s kit for Christmas, it’s fully equipped with sharp instruments and invasive tools for examining her little brother. After all…scalpels don’t kill people, people kill people.
Therapists? Nine year-old Taylor is a good listener. Fred, who lives in a van down by the river, wants to help people. Why require a license for what they were born to do, damn it! The VA will love it because it won't cost them any money. They're listening, America....
Alas…all these changes in laws, all these additional freedoms will probably never be realized. The lobbyists for bombs, molotov cocktails, scalpels, high end gasoline containers, and Mattel genuine doctor kits probably don’t have the money to buy congressmen. They don’t have the money to influence elections. They don’t have the lawyers to challenge all those unnecessary laws. There must be some archaic, grossly misunderstood constitutional amendment that prevents true freedom…and the likelihood of a new amendment would fail as congress goes about its work of robbing us of healthcare, starting wars, indulging an idiot president and counting their money received from the truly deserving, wealthier executives and lobbyists.
At least I know I can assemble a huge arsenal of weapons. Whew. Too bad there are all those laws…subject to lawyers negotiating plea bargains…preventing us from truly enjoying those arsenals. Bring on those gun silencers. Bond. James Bond.
Perhaps it’s “not the right time”…or “premature”…to discuss such changes. We first have to address this country’s problem with kneeling athletes deporting non-white children, approving the sale of police armor-piercing bullets and avoiding the removal of a lying, narcissistic sexual predator from the white house.
No comments:
Post a Comment