Walter

Let me tell you about Walter...I was thinking about him today while out walking my dogs...

At least we'll call him Walter.

Walter came to me as a client some years ago. He was a corporate big shot...I mean, the kind that rides helicopters to meetings and has that growly, marine lieutenant-type laugh that scares people. He was definitely not the type of guy who would ever have considered therapy except that his wife had left him...somewhat suddenly, although he quickly suspected the church choir director was involved. He changed churches.

Over time, I had sessions with Walter and his grown kids, from whom he'd been estranged, ending in tearful resolutions and new connections. Walter learned to cry. We had a very cool, honest relationship. He was a hunter and I would often encourage him to shoot animals with a camera, not a rifle. We'd laugh...knowing he wouldn't change that little flaw. Okay, big flaw.

Walter was retired...forced to retire due to a major heart attack. He had a pacemaker...and, from across my coffee table, across the room, I could hear that thing ticking like a cheap watch. It was mildly eerie. He looked healthy and was fairly active. But there was that tick...tick...

At one point, Walter was looking for office space in Boston for a charitable organization he worked with. Well, I had a friend in Boston real estate and connected the two. My friend did manage to find him the perfect space he needed and all were happy. The reason I'm telling you about this was...this. This same friend and I once drove up to Maine to an auction for a lake front cottage. And there...at the auction...and staying at HIS cottage next door...was Walter. And don't you know, Walter said to my friend and me, "let's go have a beer!" And, before I could answer, my friend said, "Sure!" And so, we went to this little country store/bar/video rental type place you find in the Maine woods and sat there on stools...laughing, talking, and, yes, we had those beers. The only rub is that therapists don't customarily have beers with clients. So, as we talked...laughed...I had a sort-of-good time as I sat there uncomfortable with this inadvertent ethics violation!

Therapy continued however. At great urging, I got Walter to attend a divorce support group I'd often given lectures to. (That's poor grammar, but you can handle it...you know who you are) He became a regular at the group and met a fine, kind, lovely woman to boot! Walter was in love.

Some weeks later....that day...he came into my office...smiling. It was late in our conversation that he said, "You know? I am feeling at peace for the first time in a long time...maybe in my life." It was her...his new love, his resolved family relations, his cottage...he was happy.

Prior to our next biweekly appointment, I learned that Walter had died. Heart attack. Gone before he hit the floor, they said. You would not believe the long line outside the funeral home. So many friends from so many circles. A respected, loved man. And there, in the receiving line, was not his ex wife, but his kids standing with his new love. I hugged her and whispered, "Walter really loved you." When I finally reached him lying there in his handsome well-cut suit, in his handsome casket, I leaned towards him and said, "Damn it, Walter! You let it beat you!" It's the way he talked. It's the way we talked.

So, what's the point of all this...this story. On short notice, I can think of two things.

First of all...to hell with all that therapist/client boundary stuff. Oh, I'm not going to sleep with clients or play golf with any. I CAN say that, when I heard that Walter....my client of several years...had died, I was very happy I'd had that beer. Yep. Sometimes, in our work, we meet and, yes...even LIKE people. I always liked Walter...hunting and all.

The other point is just this folks....TICK TICK TICK! Don't wait! My God...Walter found his peace and then died. I'm so thankful I helped him get to that point. So was he. Wouldn't it have been great if he'd lived longer? Or his peace had come sooner? But it didn't.

So...here comes the corny part. Go. Love. Give. Take. Now. Tick, Tick, Tick. One never knows....