The Sacred Institution of Marriage

So much passion. So much anger. Demonstrations and counter-demonstrations. Do "we" allow gay couples to marry? Is it morally the right thing to do? Is it just dead wrong? Can we survive such a thing? Is this the beginning of the end? Oh, the horror....

Ah, but I do enjoy irony.

Here's the thing. Marriage is a legal contract. Period. When two people get divorced, they go to court....not church...unless you consider the Catholic church that discourages divorce and issues sanctions against its members if they dare to do so. Of course, there's the annulment... suggesting that the marriage never happened. Just like that cool Men In Black gadget....poof! Gone. Otherwise, we're talking about a legal permission...a license. To hunt. To fish. To practice psychotherapy. To have a dog. To marry.

You see, if morality had anything to do with it...if a union "in the eyes of God" had anything to do with it, then there wouldn't be a 50+ percent divorce rate amongst us straights, would there? When my ex and I were preparing to be married, we had to meet with the minister several times to assure we knew what we were doing. Well, we passed the test...and there was the music, the guests, the rice, the salad bowls, the cake...and then later...POOF! You know the rest. Did we go back to the minister to get a divorce? No. We went to court. The vows...the promise....the "power invested in me"...meant nothing. It was the house, the furniture, the money and even the dog visitation that mattered. A judge decided for us, not the minister who maybe...just maybe...shoulda said no.

As someone joked, "let gay people marry and be miserable like the rest of us." Well, isn't it the truth. Morality has nothing to do with it really. If it did, there would be no abuse, no affairs, no deceit or control, no tearing up children's lives....or divorce. Marriage is a legal contract to share lives, moneys, toys and pets with the better than average chance it will all end. The romantic and spiritual aspects are in the eyes of the beholders...or holders as it were, not the law. Pretty vows...DJ's...cousin Fred fainting during the ceremony. It's all good. But it's not legal. It's choice. It's optional. The license? Not optional.

The hitch lies in the legal contract. That's what we're truly arguing about and voting on. Two people....any two people...say that they want to share responsibilities, debts, mortgages, homes, health insurance, dirty bathrooms, pints of ice cream, and children. If they crash and burn...like many of the rest of us...so be it. Party on. They can pay lawyers and mediators too. They can argue over who has the kids on Christmas too. After all....they can hunt deer, catch fish, and own a dog. Right?

Regardless of one's opinion, it should be clear that, if marriage were solely a religious bond, then there might be an understandable if not flawed argument given the varied belief systems and values making up this whacky, confused country of ours. In other words, we would expect social change to sometimes progress faster than our grip on traditions and institutionalized thought.

But, in the mean time, can we please stop it with the referenda and the votes and the repeals? Let the individual churches decide who they will marry. Some will exercise their right to enjoy their literal interpretations and smug rejections of anyone wearing the wrong spiritual clothes. (I feel so, so bad for all those poor folks burning in hell for eating meat on Fridays. If they'd just waited....) Then we can allow gay folks to feel accepted and embraced by religious organizations that will open their doors and arms to any two loving people. There will be plenty....plenty that also have "the power invested in them"...plenty that have God hanging around just like the others! Issue the damn licenses, okay? And let people who want to get married get married...for Christ's sake. From what I understand about the man (not the church), he would approve.